Unplugged & Liberated: Re-entry is hard.

I took 30 days off of social media.  Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted I decided to take what felt like was a bold step and disconnect from all social media.  In the spirit of full transparency here, I must admit to allowing myself 20 minutes a day to catch up with close friends and family.  It is the end of the school year and we have a lot of friends that have kids graduating and doing really cool things as they get ready for college.  I was incredibly intentional about where I spent that time. And I logged off of my work social media completely.  No research.  No scrolling.  Zero “connecting”.  For 30 days. Little did I know that this break would transform my perspective and make me question whether I wanted to return at all.

I  had a panic attack the first couple of days.  I was certain that work would completely stop.  That the tech world would fly past me and that upon re-entry I would never catch back up.  For the last ten years I have spent every day researching, scrolling, editing, and writing about tech, social media and our kids. I love it. The digital world is moving so fast and I felt that if I missed a day that I would fall horribly behind and not be en effective educator/coach. But as much as I love it, that much noise all of the time is exhausting. It began to feel like a hamster wheel of a massive intake of information, followed by a vomiting of information on to my platforms and into my conferences. And round the wheel I would go. Every. Day. I began to feel less effective. For a Type A, empath who thrives on perfectionism(and work), ineffectiveness feels like a slow, drowning death. I noticed globally parents becoming more and more frustrated with the lack of support from social media companies in relation to safety. But I also noticed an unwillingness to see the writing on the wall. While we can WANT these companies to step in, no one will care more about your kid than you do. And so it is up to us as parents to do the hard work to keep them safe if we allow our kids access. Which sucks. We are tired. We did not ask for this workload yet here we are. All of this added to my hamster wheel as I became increasingly concerned and frustrated with HOW I can best serve my families. Which led to more online research in the very spaces I was telling parents and kids to avoid. So…I jumped ship. Or wheel as it were.

On the friends and family side, I worried I might miss out on special events, birthdays, and life changing moments.  But the longer I remained un-plugged I began to feel a profound sense of liberation.  Something I have taught for years to my students and clients….remove yourself to quiet the noise and you will feel free.  Better.  Clear.  The noise settled.  I found myself reaching out to people directly to engage in meaningful conversations and catch up.  Each friend or family member that I connected with were incredibly happy to have an actual conversation.  I found many were going through private life events that felt heavy and welcomed the chance to just…talk.  Even more important, I re-discovered the joy of simple pleasures.  Free from the constant noise of social media I found solace in moments of solitude.  At the lake.  In my flower garden.  A solo trip where I spent time by myself for three days felt like heaven.

Taking this time gave me the opportunity to get still long enough to be able to reflect on who I truly am.  Why I felt the need to step back from the work that I love so much…and the social media world that drives it.  I realized almost two weeks in that I was experiencing, among other things,  signs of burnout.  And that social media had played a huge role in why I felt this way.  Ironically I use to teach burnout to staff of national healthcare/homecare companies. I would fly across the country, drop in for a two hour presentation on burnout and leave. I can recite all of the signs and symptoms easily from memory. What I did NOT discuss, ever, in the presentations that I gave 10 years ago was social media’s contribution to burn out. Because back then, it just wasn’t a thing. Today it absolutely is.   It took me 14 days before I recognized that it was indeed a piece of why I jumped off that damn wheel. 14 days of silence. Two weeks removed from social media before I, a professional in the social media arena, and one who had been highly trained on burnout….14 days before I put all the pieces together. The normalcy the noise I felt on a daily basis from my screen drowned out my body and brains deep desire for LESS. Less of all of it. I realized this on a long, quiet car ride home one evening. In my stillness I recognized that I was burnt out….on hearing (seeing) stressful online content.  Be it from family, friends or work, I was burnt out from the constant noise in my life reaching out to me from behind a screen.  Even accounts that I considered “happy” accounts that I would go to in the evenings to “unplug” were contributing to the stress and anxiety that I was feeling. My body was saying no. Stop. Unplug. I just didn’t want to listen.

What I wasn’t prepared for was after 30 days off-screen, re-entry felt like a complete attack to my senses in the most rude way possible.  The time off allowed me to re-connect with what feels right and good and important in life.  As much as I lecture on this, I discovered I have slowly fallen into the screen connection trap…which led to my  feelings of imbalance and frustration. And re-entry was threatening my new sense of peace. Which begged the question, how the hell do I go back to a job that I love without immersing myself in what caused all of this crap in the first place? I gave myself May 1 as a re-entry date. The closer the date crept, I begin to feel increasingly anxious. Frustrated. Could I just….quit? Maybe I would just continue to do coaching only and wholly remove myself from social media forever. As Brene Brown has said in her recent podcast series “We are not socially, biologically, cognitively and spiritually wired for some of the shit going down right now.” I felt this statement in my bones. And my bones were afraid to get back on that wheel.

In the end, I decided on re-entry. With strict guidelines and new boundaries. Today is day 1. It has been hard.  My new sense of freedom feels challenged.  So I want to share with you things that I am putting in place to sustain a better balance.  In hopes they may help you as well.  Intentionality.  I pay close attention to where I place my time. Who and what accounts I allow to occupy head space. This is with friends, family and work. It also means limited interaction. A good bit of silent scrolling unless it feels important or right to interact. Time.  I do not allow fun scrolling…for anything longer than 20 minutes.   I stopped doom scrolling years ago, but even “fun scrolling” becomes a time suck and contributes to the constant online noise you allow in your life. Work research will be just that….work centered. With a focused goal. Less chasing rabbits more intentional topics. Real connections.  Face to face.  Phone calls.  Some texting.  I am creating  sacred spaces in my life to be able to spend time with those I love.  I find this has extended to work.  Where I am creating more opportunities for real connections.  And it just feels better.  Right.  Comforting.  Useful. Effective.

How long will this last? Will I be successful? Will I feel effective in this space again? I am hoping for positive outcomes on all fronts. Time will tell. Boundaries are set. There is always the comfort knowing I can jump off that damn wheel at anytime should I find myself spinning again.