A Soft Digital Detox: How to make Summer a Little less about screens and more about in person connections
Summer is here. Kids are excited! Parents tend to meet this time with equal parts relief (less of a schedule, time with family) and anxiety (less of a schedule and time with family). If you are anything like me, by day three I was looking for ways to keep my boys from un-a living one another while also trying to find time in my day for me as a touched out, overstimulated mom. Teachers are worth their weight in gold. Full stop. Given that we live in the South where it can be 95 degrees with a “feels like temp” of 105 plus 90 percent humidity on a good day…sending the kids to the yard to “figure it out” can feel a little risky. There were many days where allowing them screen time allowed me to have a bit of my sanity back. This can be a slippery slope though. Which is why I recommend a soft digital detox. I have noticed numerous “digital detox summer” ideas and guides floating that recommend a complete detox for the summer. I do not recommend this unless you want to feel like you’re pulling your hair out by the end of the summer. A soft digital detox can feel easier, will help you to feel more connected with your kids, as well as not feel like they’re spending their entire summer behind a screen. So I came up with a few ideas on how you can implement a soft digital detox in your home. It’s easy, doable, and you can start it immediately.
One…begin your soft, digital detox with communication. Nothing will set your kids off and make your job harder than implementing a detox without first discussing it. In this communication, we are going to discuss why we are implementing the detox and why you think it’s incredibly important that your kids find activities that are not screen based.
Two… We are going to set boundaries. These boundaries are going to have set guidelines and rules around how much time we are going to have each day. It may look something like if your kids are spending six hours a day on a device then maybe we are going to cut the screen time to 2 to 3 hours. You may want to limit them to 30 minutes or one hour a day of total screen time. This includes gaming, social media…. anything involving a screen. The idea is to make a significant cut in Screen Time, while also still allowing them to have some time during the day.
Three… You may want to designate a certain time of day that they can be on their devices. If it is hot where you live, maybe the afternoons are the best time for them to be allowed on their screens. If you work from home and you have a conference call or certain items that you need to take care of during the day that require you to not be interrupted, this also may be a good time for you to allow them to have screen time. The time of day may vary from day today, but it is helpful if consistency can be maintained. Kids thrive on a consistent schedule and they will come to understand what time they can have their devices… which also means they will leave you alone and stop begging for them every minute.
Four… Discuss with your kids activities that are approved and appropriate for them to do during the day. Encourage them to make a list of some ideas of things they can do or they would like to do to replace screen time. This allows them to have a little bit of empowerment and ownership in the process.
Five… Find friend groups or friends that they can play with that are also device free. If they have friends over to your home, a simple explanation that all devices will be placed in a basket on the kitchen counter and that they can find other activities to do while they are playing at your house will suffice. Do not feel like you need to give a long drawn out explanation of why this is the rule in your home. Simply state the boundary and encourage them to move along and engage in other activities. Entering into a long conversation with them about why you were doing what you were doing only invites opportunity for them to debate your rules. And your rules are not up for debate.
Six… let them be bored. They can be bored outside in the heat or they can be bored inside in the air conditioning but boundaries and guidelines will state that they cannot bother you. They also cannot consistently bother you, hoping you will find something for them to do. Explain that you have your own day to navigate, and that you are not their activities director.
Seven… Plan out various activities throughout the summer that you can do with your kids. This will be during a time of your choosing that works your schedule. It could be taking them to the park, going to the movies, going for a walk…. The only rule is that screens are not allowed on Family outings. We want to reserve this time for connection with one another.
Eight… Makes certain times of the day completely screen free. No exceptions. These times may look like meal times and bedtime.
Last but not least, other than work that forces you onto a screen, you also want to implement a soft digital detox for yourself. Leading by example is one of the very best ways to teach our children how to become good stewards of their digital use. They really do watch what we are doing.
Families that have instituted a soft digital detox will sometimes move into a hard digital detox. Which means the family goes completely screen free. Sometimes these detoxes are done for 30, 60 or 90 days. It is usually because the family had such great results with the soft detox they want to see if continuing to have a screen free family will be beneficial. Almost all of the families that I have talked to that have done this have stated that they are so happy they did. While there was an initial frustration and some pain points around trying to remove devices, parents state that within a couple of days their kids act better, are more engaged, and in general just seem to be happier. So if you’re looking for a balance for this summer without completely pulling your hair out, I think giving a soft digital detox might be your answer!