Kids and Sleepovers: What is different and why you may want to wait.
As a child of the 80s, I remember the days when my brother and I were not allowed to attend sleepovers at friends' houses. At the time, we didn't understand our parents’ concerns; we thought they were being overly protective. Their primary worry was "stranger danger"—the potential threats that could arise behind closed doors when they weren’t there to supervise.
Fast forward to today, and as a parent myself, I’ve come to fully appreciate those concerns. While my husband and I allowed our children to enjoy sleepovers, our decision was rooted in careful consideration of the environment. Thankfully, our kids fell into that sweet spot before devices and social media became deeply embedded in childhood experiences. As a baseball family, we spent years traveling and bonding with just a handful of other families. By the time sleepovers rolled around, we knew these families well and felt comfortable with the idea.
However, today’s landscape is different. Kids as young as six have access to iPads, smartphones, and games like Minecraft or Roblox. By age ten, many are navigating social media platforms, including YouTube. With this technology comes a myriad of potential issues that parents must now consider when allowing sleepovers.
Just one slip-up can change everything. All it takes is a friend's device to pull up an inappropriate game or share an explicit image that leaves a lasting impression on your child. Once seen, those images cannot be unseen. I experienced this firsthand when my son stumbled upon inappropriate content while searching for turtles on a friends unrestricted device. Accidents happen, but research suggests that children often encounter inappropriate material by accident the first time, and they may actively seek it out the next time. If devices are left unrestricted, those dangerous searches can continue.
The situation escalates when a child's friend has older siblings. An older sibling might make impulsive and inappropriate decisions about what to share, thinking it will be “funny” to show something to a younger child. It's not only older brothers; older sisters might introduce content related to eating disorders, bullying, or body image issues—issues that, while not explicitly inappropriate, can still be extremely damaging to young minds.
So, what can we do as concerned parents? Start by carefully considering whether to allow your children to spend the night at friends’ houses. It's crucial to acknowledge that not all families set the same boundaries you maintain in your home. If you decide to give the green light, have an open and honest discussion with the other parents about their rules regarding devices and games.
Ask whether their child’s phone has parental controls enabled and express your preference for no devices in the room at night. Be clear about your boundaries regarding your child's safety and emphasize the importance of respecting those guidelines while your child is in their care. Additionally, discuss any tech-related privileges that older siblings may have and ensure that these are monitored or restricted during sleepovers.
These conversations might feel awkward or uncomfortable, but remember: your child's safety is worth it. It only takes one moment for a child’s life to change forever, and proactive discussions can help mitigate those risks.