The Mirror Was Small. The Truth Was Not.
I forget how little they are. Elementary school age kids. They are babies. Tiny. Maybe it is because my crew…well they are grown. Big, large, grown adult humans. At almost 19 and 21 they tower over me. You would think I would remember how little these guys are given how frequently I speak to elementary school students. And it is not always their size…yet different “things” that remind me of how small they are. This week it was the tiny bathroom mirror. The one that, at 5’1, I had to bend over to see into. It was the little first graders at recess playing the “parachute game”. Their little bodies struggling to get the parachute up together, then struggling again to bring it down trapping air to make a little “mountain”. Many of them standing while others were sitting. Laughing. Wiggling. Bodies constantly in motion. Just trying to figure it all out. As they should be. And while I largely do not speak to first and second grade, even my third graders always seem little. Because…they are.
Which is why I think my brain short circuits a bit when I realize that I am discussing gaming, social media and devices with little kids. The juxtaposition of what I am seeing (little kids) and what I am doing (discussing something that should only be for adults) is wild. My brain short circuits with the weight of it all. But then I ask “the” question. Who has a device? Who has a cell phone? Who has social media? Almost all of third grade has a tablet of some kind. Some of them have a phone. Some of them have social media. Including Tik Tok. They almost all know what the words social media means. All of fourth grade has a tablet or computer. Probably a quarter to half of them admit to having a phone. Most of those have social media. By 5th grade more than half have a phone and another device (tablet, computer) of some sort. Most of them have social media. Half of them have zero restrictions. Sixth graders…I would say 90 percent have a phone. All have a device of some sort. Over half have social media…Tik Tok, Snapchat, Instagram or YouTube. And not to forget their intense love of gaming which starts in 3rd grade with probably 90 percent of them and extends through 6th. Made evident by the rafter shaking screams and intense clapping when I present a slide that contains pictures of Roblox and Minecraft. Their response is comical. Until you realize it really isn’t.
As I was standing in the bathroom this week, in between speaking to students, I looked at my reflection in that tiny mirror and thought….why are we giving babies devices? Why are we giving young children devices? Phones? Tablets? I know what the research shows me. And I will never sit in judgement. Each family has different boundaries, rules and expectations in their home. It is not my place to judge. It is my job to share what I know. I have been working side by side with parents for over a decade. I know the responses here. Many understandable. Parents are exhausted. They need a break. They do not want kids to be left behind. Or the big one…left out. Valid. I get it. But it begs the question…do we know? Do we really know as parents what early tech use does to a child’s brain? What curiosity plus access means when a child has a cell phone at age 10? I know how much parents love their children. I also think they have been sold a bunch of crap promises. Settings and restrictions provided by companies are band aids on broken legs. They will not protect your kids. They sell rainbows and butterflies of connection when behind the scenes these companies are providing addiction, predator access and harmful echo chambers.
I present the good and the bad side to parents at every conference. And then I launch one very important question…is it worth it? Is it worth your child, who’s brain is not yet completely developed (and won’t be for many years) to be given access to a platform that can shape and change them in ways that are irrevocable? Is it worth trading access to friends parties and conversations for access to cyberbullying and predators? Is it worth access to images and video that are not suitable for adults much less a fourth grader? I want to ask a harder question here…is it worth stealing their childhood? When we allow devices to hijack our child’s brain, we remove time that could be spent with one another. Face to face. Getting their knees skinned and their feet dirty. Devices hijack the time that is crucial for brain development. Relational skills. Communication. Reading. Processing. Failing at something, trying again, failing again and trying again. Which builds resilience. And empathy.
When I look out at these kids , their tiny bodies, loud laughter, wild curiosity, and nonstop movement, I see something sacred. Something fragile. Something worth protecting. The thought that a device could replace that silliness with anxiety, that curiosity with compulsion, that connection with isolation breaks my heart. Elementary school kids do not need smartphones. They need fresh air, scraped knees, unstructured play, real conversations, and adults brave enough to say no even when everyone else says yes.
Because childhood only happens once.
And once it’s gone, we don’t get it back.